When I left off last time I was about to enter college. For a lot of people this moment is what they have been waiting forever for... not so much in my case. I was terrified to leave home and the comfort of everything familiar. I didn't want to live in a tiny room with someone I didn't know and go to school with literally thousands of people that I didn't know. Because I was in marching band I had to be at school a whole week earlier than everyone else. I remember coming back to my dorm room after that first day of band camp and crying because I felt really alone. I missed my family, my friends, my boyfriend, and everything that was not at school. Honestly if I hadn't of been involved in marching band I do not think that I would of made it through that first year. I would of been home every single weekend and would not of really experienced anything that college had to offer me. Even as it was I went home a lot just to be surrounded by people I knew, mainly my family and my boyfriend.
When it came to fitness and nutrition in college, I was also terrified of gaining the infamous freshman 15. I was determined to not get fat and I actually managed to lose some weight that first semester. This was mostly because I was scared to go to the cafeteria because I knew no one and I was stressed about college. But one of the good things was that I found the Recreation Center. I started working out on a fairly regular basis and found that I felt really good about myself afterwards. It was really the beginning of me actually enjoying exercise instead of punishing myself for eating whatever I wanted. The first year of school I also started to pull away from my boyfriend. I was starting to get the hang of being at school and I had started to make my own friends. My boyfriend was about 5 hours away and we only were able to communicate through phone and AIM and facebook. After about one year of dating I decided to end things and for awhile I was happy and didn't need someone else's validation to feel good about myself. But sadly, that feeling of "I'm not good enough for anyone to love" came creeping back into my mind. I worried that I had made a horrible mistake and that I would never meet anyone else (again at this point I was barely 20 and thinking these thoughts).
Right as I was about to give up all hope another music major started to show some interest in me. And it felt great to get that attention back. Again, looking back, this young man was not someone I could really see myself with for the rest of my life, but I settled. To be fair, he was a great guy and we really did have a good time together. The problem was that we were too much alike. Both introverts, both a little shy, and we didn't push each other to do bigger and better things. And always in the back of my mind I had this tugging that this is NOT what I pictured when I thought of my happily ever after. But I pushed those thoughts away and prepared to spend the rest of my life with this guy, because there was no way I could do better now right?
About 2 and a half years into our relationship, I was working with my dad for the summer. I was helping train clients in sports performance and actually really enjoying it, especially since I was getting into exercising myself. We also had another intern working with us and he happened to be a friend from church that I had known probably since junior high. Now, I am not going to hide it I had a major crush on this kid ever since I had met him in junior high. But we went to different schools and he was the cool jock and I the nerdy band kid so I convinced myself that it would NEVER work (plus he also dated one of my very best friends. Big no no). But over that summer we really got to know each other better and I really valued his friendship and advice. We started all working out together and he convinced me to start running and to even sign up for a 5k at our church. Now quick history: I HATED running. My motto was that the only time I would ever run is if someone was chasing me with a machete. But because I trusted him (and still had a crush on this kid) I decided to go for it. That was the best thing that I could of ever done. It literally was the catalyst that has pushed me to where I am today and I am so thankful that I had that summer and my friend to push me to do that.
I also started to realize that my relationship with my boyfriend was not what I wanted or needed. It was my friendship with my dad's internship that showed me 1. I really wanted someone who would push me to do my best not just let me sit around and be content with mediocrity. 2. There was a chance that there was someone else out there who could actually love me and be perfect for me. 3. If I was having major thoughts about other guys and wishing I could be with them instead of my current guy, maybe it was time to move on. After a lot of tears and debate and going back and forth I finally ended my longest relationship to date. It was hard because like I said, this guy wasn't bad. He was nice and caring, but he just wasn't the one for me. I started my senior year of college single and I was alright with that. I knew that I had a lot of work to do on myself. I also started my senior year running. And that is what really changed everything for me...
Come back for the last installment of my story!!
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